Child to Parent Violence/Abuse Support & Advocating
The abridged version of our story we sent to CNN, KCEN-TV (Temple, TX), Dr. Phil, the Today Show, the Meredith Vieira Facebook page and the Killeen Daily Herald, Killeen, TX Facebook page. We will post any replies we get at the bottom of the story:
Advocacy for Mental Illness and Child to Parent Abuse.
We are writing you advocating for ourselves and parents who have mentally ill children or have been abused by their under age children. We have a 16 year old daughter that has been verbally, physically and emotionally abusing us for years. We have had psychological testing done, admitted to Short Term treatment centers and 3 separate Residential Treatment centers in Texas, Kansas and Georgia. With every hospitalization, she is discharged with a different diagnosis and put on different medications.
Ever since our daughter was four years old, her situation/behavior has been getting worse. As stated above, she has been in and out of hospitals in the past and her most recent stay was in Cedar Crest, Belton TX. Again, her diagnosis has changed as well as her medications. Most recently she was admitted with a diagnosis of Bi-Polar I and Asperger’s, she was discharged with Bi-Polar.
In the past she has been diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Autism, Depression, Organic Brain Damage, Schizoaffective Disorder, Cognitive Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified), Mixed Receptive-Expressive Disorder, Mild Mental Retardation, Mood Disorder NOS. We need experts to respond and help us and others to understand why every time our child comes home from a hospital, she has a different diagnosis, even the same hospital that has treated her in the past.
When our daughter is home she is very abusive towards us. Some examples are she wishes we were dead, she would dance on our graves. She says she should just kill herself so she wouldn’t have to put up with the real world. She routinely threatens to kill her father. She has given her father a black eye and a bloody nose.
Currently she is in the legal system for trying to kill her mother. She attacked her mother with a large kitchen knife, trying to stab her in the chest several times. Her mother used a bathroom scale to block most stabs but was still cut on the arm. The Military Police on Fort Hood were called and our daughter was taken to the ER on Fort Hood. After being examined at the ER, she was taken to Rock Springs, Georgetown, TX. Charges were filed against our daughter and she is currently attending court dates when not hospitalized.
She has been put on “pre-trial parole”. She is required to report to her parole officer once a week in person. There is a problem with this, since it is “pre-trial”, there is
no punishment for violating probation other than possibly failing a drug test. We have talked to her parole officer about this and since we live on-post, the Military Police handles all our calls and she is just taken to the Fort Hood ER, she is never taken down to the Juvenile Center. She has had a couple of weeks where she did not report to her parole officer and they stated that since it is “pre-trial” parole, there is nothing they can do.
That was the most recent, extremely violent, incident. There have been several in the past and we foresee more/worse incidents happening in the future due to the Local, State and Federal governments having no programs set up for child to parent abuse. We have done exhaustive research into programs of this type in the United States and have found none to fit these situations.
On normal circumstances of adult to adult or adult to child violence, the victims do not sit with, live with or interact with the offender. In child to parent violence, the above governments have it backwards. When our daughter was sent to the ER after trying to kill her mother, the ER staff made her mother sit with our daughter. Our daughter continued to abuse her mother by asking if she learned her lesson. A complaint was made to the hospital and finally we are not required to sit with our daughter when she is brought in due to child to parent violence.
We currently have the Military Police on Fort Hood, Army Family Advocacy Program on Fort Hood, Bell County court system, Bell County Juvenile System and Child Protective Services involved. None of the listed agencies have answers on how to keep parents (not just us) safe from their violent children except CPS. Our two options with CPS are to give up rights to our child to CPS or do a RAPR (Refusal to Assume Parental Responsibility) with CPS. We are not willing to sign our parental rights over to anyone and we are not getting the help needed.
From the accounts above about our history, we have been trying to cope, research, solve and get help for our situation. Everyone one we turn to indicates they cannot help and offers educational suggestions on how to raise, discipline, talk to and interact with our child. We have taken many suggestions to heart to no avail. We have a small library of books dealing with the diagnosis listed above and have implemented many teachings within these books. Nothing has alleviated the aggressiveness our daughter displays.
One example is a response to an email I wrote with essentially the same information above to an individual (name withheld due to we are not placing blame on this person) at Prevent Child Abuse Texas:
“I do not know what else you can do as it seems you have done everything I would suggest.
You may contact Bell County Domestic Violence or Texas Autism at https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource/texas-autism-advocacy”
We have researched the two entities and there is nothing that can help us or give us hope. It all falls back on parenting, the typical response that doesn’t change. It does not always fall back on the parents or parenting. This needs to change. Change in a good direction and not change to a direction where we just give up on our children.
This is not just a U.S. problem, this is a worldwide problem. This subject has been considered “Taboo” for far too long. It is time to change this. This is something that no one should ever be ashamed of. It is time we speak up and get programs for us. There are victim rights for abused adults and children victimized by other adults or children but they are extremely hard to apply to a child to parent situation.
Some of these rights include “The right to protection from intimidation and harassment”. This is not possible as we live with the individual. “Victim compensation and restitution” is another one. This one does not apply to child to parent crimes that I am aware of. We as the parent will have to pay for probation costs and possibly court fees. If it did apply to us, we would be compensating ourselves. What sense does this make? (We are not advocating to get paid for our children abusing us, and we never would, this is just an example).
How does this help us? When does everyone stop blaming the parents for this every time the subject comes up? Why are resources not available specifically for us? Who do we turn to? We can and do get treatment for the Depression, hopeless feelings, PTSD from traumatic events and other emotions. That is no longer enough. We have our therapist that our whole family sees on our side and is willing to advocate with us. It is time for you to speak up!
We are currently setting up a website, www.childtoparentviolence.org (the site is new as of 5-MAR-15), to hopefully help other parents going through what we are. We are looking for other stories like ours and any experts/professionals to come forward and help us on this subject.
Angela S. and Jay D. Allen